Don’t get me wrong, I think at some point everyone needs to give up thinking that Santa can actually fit himself down your chimney and leave presents for you just because you didn’t stick bubble gum in your sister’s hair all year. I’m not talking about that type of growing up, because understanding the consequences of life and accepting the truths and your own responsibilities or mistakes are a sign of maturation.
What I am talking about is coming to an age where you really have no freaking clue who you are. And in this society, that is never okay. There are some people who have a firm grasp on who they are and what they want do with that identity, but there are some who go miles and miles trying to get the slightest idea of what their purpose is and why they matter in the grand scheme of things. Because you see, not knowing where you are in life at the age of thirty five somehow becomes equivalently aligned with failure, laziness and being a goof up. We become so infatuated with this idea that everyone is going to discover their calling one day and why they are meant to be here, but the ultimate truth is that it does not happen like that. After years of wandering around in high school and then college and then in an eight to five work day, sometimes the bottom line is we never figure it out.
And in this society, that should be okay.
I am not some math problem that takes exactly twenty five years, forty eight days, eighteen hours, thirty three minutes and ten seconds to come to one definite answer. It may be that I will never be able to figure myself out.
And to some degree, there is beauty in that. Since when did the human race ever pride itself on being simple and perfunctory in all that it does? Since when did all the great artists, writers, leaders and scientists follow up with a chant, “WHO WE ARE IS NO TEST, WE HAVE ALL THE ANSWERS CAUSE WE’RE THE BEST!” (alright, maybe they would have been able to rhyme better than me and not be corny). Did we ever come to the conclusion that the reason why we are so special and wonderfully intricate is because we are anything but a straight forward answer? If anything, we have no fucking clue who we are and this pressure to grow up and be sure of what it is that we want is an expectation that defies what being human is.
We will lose ourselves over and over again.
Sometimes we will get lost and confused.
Sometimes we will find something and other times nothing.
Because in the end, we don’t always need to know to be sure.